Sep 9, 2008

The Worm Effect

As a kid, I was told one's aim in life should be to gain skills and knowledge. To develop an all-round personality with depth, objectivity, compassion, ambition etc. etc. Great treasures were promised at the end of the toil - high-flying career, comfortable life, general respect from people...

There was, of course, fine print which we missed. That effort would be required all the time to maintain high standards. That line beyond which all the treasures lay (which would theoretically allow one could chill in life thereon), kept moving away everytime u thought you were there. '10th boards', 'JEE', 'CAT', 'Placements', 'Sales stint'... everytime u crossed one, there was the next...

I felt cheated the first couple of times. At IIT, I was all 'WTF?! This was supposed to be Aladdin's lamp, not a 4-yeat long series of JEE's that'd be tough to pass'. But then I matured a bit, and accepted that the struggle would never end. At least I had got most of whatever I'd dreamt of, so what if I had to continue working hard.

There is one area, however, where I feel completely cheated. I was also made to believe that the desirable women eventually settle with the good, successful guys. And I had hoped that, one day, I shall also land one on merits. This was one misleading promise I'll never forgive the world for.

The truth is this - with women, I've discovered, all rationality fails. Results are not correlated with  'knowledge', 'skill', 'character', 'success' - history, present or forecast - or anything you can work at achieveing. Independent of 'who you are' and 'what you've done in life', there is an extremely high probability that an attractive woman will completely ignore you, as if you don't exist. The way you treat a worm. You see it, you know it's there, but you pretend you aren't aware of it's existence and continue doing whatever you were doing with absolute nonchalance. This, my friends, is the 'worm effect'.

If you're a guy, God has played a nasty joke on you.

1. He's given you testosterone. Don't underestimate the implications of this. This is why you don't cry. This is why you enjoy cars going round and round at high speed. This is why you like beer. And this is why sex is always somewhere on your mind.

2. The 'worm effect'. As a result of (1), you WILL be attracted to women. And whatever you've done when you were running on stuff other than testosterone - all your achievements and things that define you - will come to NOUGHT - and you will be made to feel like a powerless, virtually non-existant little worm. You'll go 'Bye bye self-respect'. And He and she will quitely point at you (when you're not looking - bowed head, drooping shoulders 'n all). And they'll go 'Ha-Ha! (sucker!)'

I've given up trying to understand the 'worm effect' and the reasons that drive it. Either there are none, or God just didn't wish for me to know them (as I might find a solution). 

I pray that, one day, when He's had enough, He'll put up a complaint box. Where we can drop in names of the women who played the 'worm effect' on us. And then justice shall prevail!

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