Dec 10, 2006

A closed chapter

Have you ever been part of a wonderful story, and ended up as no more than a closed chapter? Reached a point where thinking of yourself means thinking not of 'I', but 'us'? Where there is another person, with another body, another life, but one mind and one thought? A person you want to spend the rest of ur life with - and u feel life will be good if she's around, no matter wat else happens ... And ended up alone, heartbroken and hollow?

It sucks. You are never the same again. You can try to forget, try to move on, try filling the void with a million things... it doesn't work. And nobody understands. People say they understand and reason with you. 'It wasn't meant to be - there are better things ahead', 'Get a grip of ur life - it is ur life', 'Try to forget it and move on', 'Ladkiyan to kilo ke bhav milti hain'. Bullcrap I say.

Each one of us is unique - with different priorities, different likes and dislikes, different desires. Rarely can one find another who mirrors himself. How many people do you know who like everything about you? How many people even know everything about you? people for whom you dont have to wear any masks, dont have to lie about anything. people who will like and admire every thing you do, and want to be a part of it, no matter how stupid it seems to the rest of the world? the chances are rather slim. You get few chances in life to be with someone like that. The sad thing is - many of us throw it away.

Distance, differences over small issues, family pressure - many of us succumb to these and lose the one person who was as close to perfect as anyone can ever be. We fight over small things - 'why do u talk to him? i told u he has a thing for u, and im not comfortable', 'why do you wear such short dresses that invite unwanted attention? who r u trying to attract?', 'my family would neve accept a non-vegetarian', 'i need to concentrate on my career at this time'. some shit like this and the story ends. u become a closed chapter.

Thats when u realize the value of what u lost. You date others who are better in one way - maybe they drink, maybe they are from ur own community, maybe they ar willing to play second-fiddle in married life. but the good part is just that. ur thought processes dont match, ur value systems dont match, u dont really respect the other, u cant really trust the other to keep secrets - lotsa things go wrong. you try desperately to find someone and convince urself this person is better - but u know deep down that it isnt true. u r fooling urself, u r hurt and u dont admit it, and it kills u from the inside. u really miss the one person u truly loved, and who loved u unconditionally - and wish they were around to share all the great moments in ur life. were the little differences/issues worth all this pain? probably not.

i've been part of such a story. i messed up and feel awful about all the mistakes i made.i'd love to just 'undo' all that and take life back to those gloriously joyful times - and then swallow my ego, jealousy and make a few minor compromises to make it work. but that cant happen. the chapter is closed, she's now a character in another story and i hope it ends well for her. it's too late for this to work, and there really is no point messing up the new story with remnants of this one. i'll manage somehow, sometime soon i hope.

moral of the story. if u r genuinely in love, dont let little things mess it up. cherish it - a few bumps on the road are fine, if the journey of life is better on that path. u dont want to end up lost, just because you wanted to avoid a few bumps.

and if you've never been in love, u've missed the best thing in life. Even if you cant work things out, you learn and become a better person. It's a great experience. The irony is you dont have the benefit of experience when you face problems in your first relationship. And the first relationship is probably the best.

i know the 'pain' in my post could force you to think twice before taking the plunge, but let me tell u what she told me when our relationship began - "Even if it doesnt work out, the memories will be worth the pain". Trust me, it's true. The memories are worth every bit of the pain, and more.


  1. If u want to talk about the idea in this post, or a similar experience, or ur view on what i said - most welcome. i'd love to discuss it

    If u want to comment or ask me about my own story - DONT. thats personal


  2. Wow what wonderful thoughts. Been through something very similar. The thing which always does come up in my mind is: "I know the memories are special. They always will be. The firsts are always firsts. But the love is so volatile it might just not be the right decision of life." Its more to do with rational love and just love (generally the first love). Can love and only love actually drive your life always? Do you not need something more than that?
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