Mar 2, 2007


Friend of mine wrote about distance in relationships a short while back. I shall take it forward.

Before we discuss distance, lets see what relationships are ideally like. Quoting from my earlier post about arranged marriage:
Whatever route you choose, it is a tough journey with lots of ups and downs. You need emotional support through your lows, and someone to share your joys with.

And from 'A closed chapter':
people who will like and admire every thing you do, and want to be a part of it, no matter how stupid it seems to the rest of the world?

Basically, two lives are supposed to be inter-twined. Thats probably where the phrase 'better half' comes from - someone who shares your life, bringing more joy and sharing your sorrows.

Now what happens when there's distance. The two lives are no longer shared. You are in a different town, among different people, doing different things, and your erstwhile partner has no role left to play in your life. He/she becomes an unnecessary and useless piece of baggage. You cling on, unable to let go of the memories - of great times spent together, and the hope - that those times will return. They never do. The spark dies down, then patience runs out, and finally its all over.

(A common, misplaced belief is that such problems shouldn't arise because people have phones. No. Phones only allow you to talk and keep in touch. They dont allow you to actually play parts in each others lives. And no matter how many hours you spend on the phone, the de-linking of lives and breakdown of the relationship will happen. Its only a matter of time)

Friend-of-mine also wrote about 'mental distance', and I guess he's right. You dont necessarily have to be in different cities for things to deteriorate. You can just as easily drift apart, in the same town, maybe even in the same house - if you dont nurture the relationship and invest the time, effort and emotions it requires.

This usually happens when you dont realize the value of what you have, and take it for granted. It's only after its over, that you realize the value of what you once had, and what you've lost.

Ending with another quote from an old post:
if u r genuinely in love, dont let little things mess it up. cherish it - a few bumps on the road are fine, if the journey of life is better on that path. u dont want to end up lost, just because you wanted to avoid a few bumps. Add to that - just because you didnt make the effort when it was required. The effort that it worth.

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