Desi beat

If you grew up in the sort of cities I did, or attended colleges or workplaces like mine - very likely if you're reading this blog - there are good chances you have a lot of friends who love English music of one or more genres.

Now, if you're like me, you don't really get it and don't really care, but probably had to pretend to enjoy listening to it at some time or the other. You couldn't openly admit to your ignorance of - and indifference to - most English music, because you feared being labelled uncool, or a 'country bugger'. (I'm deliberately using the umbrella term 'English music' as I'm equally indifferent to Rock, Country, R&B, Rap etc. In fact, I don't even care about the differences between them). If you relate to any of this, this post is for you! :)
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Over the past few months, I've tried to understand why I'm so indifferent to English music. The question intrigued me because I like listening to music (the desi kind), and I live on English (mostly American) movies & TV series, so why the combination of English & music didn't work was something I didn't understand. Here are some of the conclusions I've reached after thinking things through:

1. I don't get the accent most of the time. 'Accent' is the phonetic prominence given to a particular syllable in a word, or to a particular word within a sentence. It takes time and effort to tune one's ear to a particular accent, and only then can one understand what is being said. The accents in song are not the same as those in speech, and need to be learnt separately. But I simply wasn't motivated to learn these, because I just didn't care what any of these people had to say:

Exhibit A: These are the kind of folks I've generally stayed away from, since I was a kid, for my own safety, and to keep my lunch money.

Exhibit B: He probably still believes that women and black people shouldn't have the right to vote, among other things.

Exhibit C: He calls himself 'Snoop Dogg'. While he could possibly have a 3-digit IQ, I'm sure he doesn't know what the differential of a sine function is.

Exhibit D: This useless bloody 'entitled' generation. They DESERVE to lose all their jobs to us in Asia.

2. In some cases, I was motivated enough to try and understand someone's accent.

Exhibit E: She's close to my favourite F1 driver and seems to be making some important points ;)

However, when I did unravel what they were on about, it broke my heart. Most of the songs were about hot women in sucky relationships with douche-bags who didn't value them. It felt all wrong, but I couldn't do anything about it, so decided to turn my attention away.

Then I came across this lot:

I figured she was whining about her relationships. While she sounded sensible and all, I just couldn't relate. In our country, young men and women don't date a lot. They DO expect to hear the words 'I love you' fairly early, and it's not a big deal. They don't start living together before, and generally even after exchanging those words. Relationships are expected to culminate in marriage most of the time, especially if you ever stay together or spend a lot of time alone with each other indoors. As a result, we don't generally get into deep-yet-non-committal relationships & get our hearts broken too often. I'm not saying the western culture is better or worse - it's just very different. The culture divide means I'm unable to appreciate most of the things they sing about.

This 'culture divide' isn't limited to songs about relationships. Pink Floyd may have been great, but the notion "We don't need no education" has absolutely no place in India today.

When it comes to movies & TV, the culture divide isn't as much of a problem. For one, they generally tend to pick up simpler, more universal themes. Secondly, many series are set in workplaces, which are starting to look and feel similar across the world now. Finally, humor, mystery and action are easy to appreciate in any context. That's usually not the case with drama.

3. Sometimes people tell me 'never mind the words, just appreciate the music'. That just doesn't work. In the real world, it is all about 'the story'. That's what people emotionally connect to, and you need the connection for something to succeed. To appreciate music, I NEED to know what a song is about and what the singer's saying. Otherwise, it's just guitar/drums/synth work without any context, and that's not going to strike any chords!

So, to summarize:
1. I don't understand the singers' accents most of the time, and I absolutely do not care to learn them because I don't think it's going to enrich my life
2. When I do understand lyrics, I usually can't relate, probably as a consequence of the culture divide
3. Without an emotional connect with the lyrics, it's just meaningless sounds

All that said, we definitely need music in our lives. I think we've got enough good stuff at home. Sure, the 80s and 90s were a dark age, with only stale formulaic filmi music produced in India, but things have changed so much in the last decade or so. Now we have guys like AR Rahman, Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and Vishal-Shekhar producing some really good, contemporary music for the movies. Then we have people like Amit Trivedi and Sneha Khanwalkar who - through movie scores as well as independent channels like MTV Coke Studio - are innovating with blends of indigenous folk songs and western instruments and technique, with brilliant results!

I do occasionally listen to and like Western music as well, but I feel no desire to make it a bigger part of my life. If someone thinks that's 'uncool', that's their problem.
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I have two other peeves that I want to mention here.

1. A lot of people - especially those from South India - seem to snobbishly avoid desi music. When asked about it, they say they it's because they don't fully understand the language. How come the language barrier doesn't stop you from going nuts over 'Gangnam style', then?

2. In December, many people had a problem with the kind of songs Yo Yo Honey Singh sings, and called for him to be banned. They claimed these songs were corrupting people's minds and turning them into rapists.

Well, please pull your heads out of your asses and see daylight. Honey Singh is a rap artist. Talking trash is his job description and no one takes his words seriously. I mean, if people were really taking life lessons and learning their philosophy from someone like Yo Yo Honey Singh, the problem would be way more fundamental and banning the singer wouldn't help. And I'd be looking for a way out of the country. In truth, Yo Yo is no more responsible for our social problems than Eminem is for the economic crisis in the west.

And how come the same people don't have a problem with Eminem or Akon? Just a few years back, everyone was grooving to 'Smack That' and 'I wanna fuck you'. People even attended his concerts in India. Now the same people want to ban Honey Singh?! Why the double standards? Why does the westerner have 'artistic license' but not the desi? Think about it.

Random Brangelina Rant

I often get quite irritated by things and people that don't make sense, but am usually too lazy to pen down a blog post about them. As regular readers would know, my posts are usually long, and I put a lot of effort into them. Most of the times, the irritants simply don't seem worth the time and effort.

A great case in point is Sonu Nigam (don't know how many u's, i's, g's, a's, m's etc. he uses to spell his name these days, so I'm going to go with the original, simple spelling. In any case, his career has only been heading downhill for many years now, despite all the numerological  interventions - so why bother). I had almost been motivated enough to tear into him after his very gay, pony-tailed, white-clothed performance of 'My heart will go on' at the 2011 Filmfare awards, which I had unfortunately been subjected to (on TV) while awaiting my turn at the barber shop.

But I even let that go. However, Angelina's big pouty mouth - that I found oh-so-hot when I first watched Girl, Interrupted and Gone in 60 Seconds during my days at IITM - has become such a prodigious and relentless crap-fountain that I feel compelled to let off some steam here.

Why now, you might validly ask. I read in this morning's newspaper that Brangelina are planning to adopt another kid from Ethiopia ("control, Smoochy, control..."). The article went on to explain this was because they wanted their earlier-adopted daughter Zahara to have a sibling from her native region that she could relate to, and because it would be their 7th kid - and would bring them more luck and happiness (Snap!! "That does it!")

For starters, Zahara was six months old when adopted. Since then, she has been brought up in magnificent mansions worth millions of dollars, received a lot of attention from the paparazzi and her only conscious memories would be of an obscenely opulent lifestyle. Her ability to relate to a poor orphan from Ethiopia cannot be any greater than a goat's.

As for Brangelina wanting 'more luck and happiness' - yeah, right they need and deserve that more than anyone else in the world right now.

If this was a one-off, it wouldn't have bothered me or anyone else, but let's look at the history here.

Brangelina already have six kids - 3 adopted, and 3 of their own.

• Of their adopted kids, one is Cambodian, one Ethiopian and one Vietnamese. In fact, one of their own biological kids was born in Namibia has a Namibian passport! 
• If that doesn't sound messed up enough, Angelina once said she resented her own biological daughter because she wasn't 'born into hardship'. Like it's the kids fault. I'm sure the kid would also rather have been born in a normal household where her mom actually loved her.  
• Angelina went on to say she loved the adopted kids more because they were 'fighters' - as if they'd become wise, black-belt Ninjas in the first few months of their lives before they were adopted and imported into aforesaid magnificent mansions. 
• The boys' names (formal, not nicknames) are Maddox, Pax and Knox. Maddox, Pax and Knox. Normal people put more thought into naming their pets. Or even their cars.

Now, I'm not against adoption - especially of the kind where people from the Western world adopt unwanted children from the third world - but it should not be based on whims. Parenting is a huge, serious responsibility, and I'm sick of repeatedly reading the various ways in which Brangelina are making a mockery of the whole thing. I almost feel bad for the kids - there is NO WAY IN HELL they are going to grow up to become mature, responsible, successful adults.

And I feel bad for myself - because I know I'll continue coming across shit like this in the papers for many years to come...

The real Thalaivar Anna stands up...

Wed, Aug 24, Special correspondents all over the place: South Indian, Indian, Global, Universal Superstar Rajinikanth had yesterday offered his support for Anna Hazare and the Jan Lokpal Bill. As is usually the case with Rajini, the move had far-reaching repercussions that we summarize in this special report today.

Public reaction

Masses supporting the Jan Lokpal Bill erupted in celebration, knowing that the force was now with them, and there is no way the Jan Lokpal Bill could possibly be stopped now. People of all ages were seen dancing in the streets all over the country, to the tunes of "En Peru Padayappa", which is now the official theme of the anti-corruption movement. Responding to Thalaivar's call, the masses in Chennai also took to the streets, causing a 25-km-long traffic jam all the way from the Anna International Terminal  to the Anna Arch in Anna Nagar, via Anna Salai. The symbolism was not lost on anyone.

It is expected that the focus of the movement will shift to Chennai over the next few days. This might discourage a few people who are traveling from far and wide to join the protest. Harkishan Singh from Karnal said, 'I'd like to fast with Anna, but Chennai is too far and too bloody hot. Besides, if I travel there, I'd want to be eating a lot of idli-dosa and sambhar, not fasting'. However, people aren't really worried about the movement losing steam. After all, they now have Rajini.

Govt response

PM Manmohan Singh and his senior cabinet ministers held an 'urgent meeting' of the 'special working committee' formed to 'diffuse an extraordinary situation, while maintaining the sanctity of parliament's sovereignty'. (While some thought the verbosity was a bit over the top, others explained it was a Congress tradition.)

Kapil Sibal spoke to the press afterwards. 'The govt is not worried', he asserted, 'since there is no problem. I explained several months back that the 2G scam didn't really happen. The govt didn't lose any money. My friend Digvijay Singh also told everybody later that Kalmadi and Chavan had to be innocent as it was his opinion. So, you see, there really isn't a corruption problem. Without a problem, there can be no protest. Without a protest, we have nothing to worry about'. He signed off with his typical glib guffaw.

This didn't surprise the reporters present too much, since Sibal has been giving the appearance of a man living in a totally different reality for a while now. Some reporters were, however, heard inquiring if anyone knew what Sibal was smoking these days, and where or how they might be able to get their hands on some of that shit.

When asked what the PM felt about the situation, Sibal said, 'Oh yes, that ol fart. He was mumbling something in one corner, but you know - who listens to him anyway?! We advised the PM not to get involved in this situation, so that he can later deny any knowledge of what happened and escape all responsibility. That way, the party can stick to our stand that PM Manmohan Singh is a man of integrity, not a dirty politician'. More glib guffawing.

A lot of Congress workers were looking where they always look for direction - towards Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi. Congress leader Ajit Jogi made yet another attempt at reviving his stuttering political career by calling for Rahul Gandhi to become the head of the Lokpal organization. 'I've been calling for Rahul-ji to take over the PM's post for a while now. However, seeing as how the PM will probably be under the Lokpal in future, I now feel Rahul Gandhi should take charge of the Lokpal as and when it materializes'.

Sources, however, have informed us that Sonia and Rahul may not be returning to India at all. With Rajini on the opposite side, they don't see the point of continuing in politics. And since neither of them has a college degree, they see no future for themselves in a country where even restaurant waiters and auto-rickshaw drivers these days have at least a Masters Degree obtained through a correspondence course. There are rumors that one of them - probably Rahul - may be appearing on a Donald Trump show in the USA, or the next season of Bigg Boss in India.

Other parties' response

The BJP has not so far said anything of significance - just the usual rhetoric about how the current government is incompetent and should never have been voted to power, back in 2004. Sources inform us that they are trying really hard to get Rajinikanth to join them join Rajinikanth. All their slogans, brochures and campaign materials are being re-worked to talk about Rajini-raj instead of their historical slogan of Ram-rajya.

A Left Front spokesperson informed us that the Politburo was busy studying communist literature for guidance about dealing with the current situation. They're sure 'Marx himself' and 'Lenin himself' must have said something relevant - since they knew it all and knew better than everyone else, but they've not had much luck finding anything useful thus far. In the meantime, they're opposing everyone and everything.

Mamata Bannerjee has decided to abstain when the Bill comes up for discussion. She believes some parties such as the BJP will be voting for the Bill, and she can't be on the same side. The Left will probably be voting against the Bill - and she can't be on their side either. When asked what her own view was, she rambled incoherently and loudly for a few minutes. The reporter thought he heard the word 'Bongol' 27 times in those few minutes, but couldn't understand what she meant. We tried to reach out to other leaders of the Trinamool Congress to clarify the party's stand, but soon realized that no one matches that description.

The BSP seems fine with any version of the Lokpal, as long as at least 49% of the new Lokpal jobs created are reserved for SC/ST and OBCs.

Bad news for the Indian Cricket Team

It was being heard in some corridors that the BCCI was working on plans to have Rajini join the Indian Cricket Team to salvage some pride on the current tour of England the Indian Cricket Team take the field along with Rajini and watch him annihilate all those English (some of them, anyway) Rascallas. Rajini was expected to restore India's No 1 Test ranking through his performances in the ODI series. Rajini was also being tipped to score Sachin's 100th ton in the upcoming T20 fixture on Aug 31st.

However, Rajini is not a 100% fit, having had a kidney operation in Singapore recently. With all the criticism the BCCI has received for rushing half-fit Zaheer and Sehwag back into action with disastrous results, and with Bhajji, Ishant and Gambhir also getting injured - BCCI did not want to take any chances with Rajini's fitness. There are also rumors that Munaf is injured - in spite of not playing any matches on the current tour - but the team is hiding his injury to avoid further embarrassment. In the last practice session, Munaf was seen just strolling around looking lost and uninterested and missing all catches and ground strokes that came his way. The team physio when asked about this dismissed suggestions that it had anything to do with an injury. 'That is all Munaf ever does anyway.'

There have been suggestions that Rajini might play cricket several times in the recent past, but with India being no 1 in Tests and winning ODI World Cup - and Chennai Super Kings also winning pretty much every tournament they play - there has been no need. In the current situation, Rajini might be needed to save India when they travel to Australia later this year requested to crush those rude Aussie Rascallas later this year. When asked, chairman of selectors Kris Srikkanth told this reporter, 'Anna tum sangharsh karo, hum tumhare saath hain!' He then broke into an animated diatribe about 'gorrubtion' or something, but the reporter could not make out if he was speaking in English or Tamil, or what he was saying. After getting about half a liter of saliva on his face, he gave up and left.

There have also been rumors of Rajini competing in the inaugural Indian F1 Grand Prix later this year, but the superstar has denied this, saying the cars are too slow to compete with him.

International Reaction

With Rajini taking an active interest in politics north of Chennai, a lot of significant international activity was witnessed. Pakistani troops began withdrawing from the LoC and other border areas. The Chinese also started withdrawing from Kashmir, Arunachal and other areas - including Tibet - though they were asking for a few free DVDs of past Rajini hits in return.

The Af-Pak conflict has also been resolved. A Taliban spokesperson, wearing the look of a defeated man, told this reporter that 'We were basically just scared shit-less. We've never carried out a terror strike in Chennai, even though it is the most accessible Indian metro for us - we could just send people from the Gulf to Kerala, and they wouldn't be noticed amidst all the human traffic on that route. But we didn't want to provoke Rajini. We thought we were secure in other places due to the language barrier, but alas - that is no longer the case. Our activities are based on misrepresenting the word of God to gullible young men, and asking them to go kill the infidels. But this model doesn't work when they start hearing from Rajini directly. If we try telling them that Rajini is also an infidel, they just get disillusioned with the whole thing and leave.'

US troops shall be returning home soon, and having learnt about Rajinikanth and Hindu-ism, it is expected that Diwali will supplant Christmas as the biggest American festival this year.

The riots in England and other European cities have also ended. The miscreants realize Rajini may be watching and have decided to 'mind it their behavior', for their own good.

Greece and Portugal have requested Rajini to help them sort out their economy and finances, but the superstar has not yet responded.

Butterfly Effect for Businesses

Over the past few years, most businesses had grudgingly accepted that the US population was getting older and they would have to adapt to survive and grow. A lot of 'strategic marketing consultant' types had been making a killing in the process. However, with so many US troops - mostly young men - returning from Af-Pak all of a sudden, all alive, and expected to start to making babies with a vengeance, all the strategic business plans for dealing with the demographic shift have been thrown out of whack. America has reason to cheer, though. Sources tell us that President Barack Obama has requested Rajini for a meeting where he would be seeking Rajini's advice on the economy and several other matters. While this has not been confirmed, reliable sources tell us Rajini might agree to a 30-minute meeting with Obama in Chennai later this month.

(Legal-type Disclaimer - this post is just a very inspired work of fiction. While it is no co-incidence that the people and incidents mentioned resemble those in real-life, you would have to be out of your mind to take any of it seriously. I take absolutely NO responsibility for any idiot thinking any of this is real, or taking offense to any of it, or acting in any manner influenced by it - especially after I've put in this disclaimer!)

Youtube Gems

Youtube rocks!

Ok, so you probably knew that. But I'm posting this coz I found a few old gems this weekend, songs and videos I'd thought I'd never see/hear again. Kripya checkout kariye:

1. 'Maar daala' by Nirmal Pandey. Nirmal Pandey sings, and behaves like - well - Nirmal Pandey. He surely realized he couldn't pull off anything romantic or serious, and he deserves credit for that. Highlight: the video stars a little-known model named Reema Lamba, who'd later become famous as Mallika Sherawat. In the video, she had to choose between Nirmal and Rahul Dev - two of the ugliest mofos alive. Poor girl.

2. 'Hawa hawa' by Hassan Jahangir. Check out the wannabe rock-star - complete with long hair, sunglasses and tight white pants, performing for an audience of some 40 aunties under a tent (looks like a village wedding shamiana). Truth be told - I still like the song.

3. 'Sawan mein lag gayee aag (original)' by Mika Singh. Who woulda thunk this idiotic-looking younger brother of Daler Mehndi, who whined with a nasal twang - long before Himes made 'nasal' the new 'cool' - would go on to achieve stardom through hits like 'Mauja hi mauja' and 'ae Ganpat'. His debut video is super-awesome. He carries a guitar, but you don't hear any guitar-track in the song. And do check out all the actors' expressions when the babe is introduced to the bad guy. Oscar-worthy I say!

4. 'Afreen' by Nusrat FAT-eh Ali Khan, featuring Lisa Ray. No explanation. Just swoon.

5. 'Farebi' by Biddu. Biddu has done some great work, particularly with Nazia Hassan. But WTF was he thinking when he chose to debut in India as a pro-artiste with this trash? The lyrics are the antithesis of subtlety. And Biddu makes a complete a$$ of himself with the heavily-accented intro (he hisses 'dosss', trying to say 'dost'). Sad.

6. 'Sanam mere sanam' from Hum. I still remember - the local video library had made 20 copies of this movie when it released, and I still couldn't get one for a whole week. Check out the 'romantic' song featuring Govinda and Shilpa Shirodkar. The 80's and early 90's are such an embarassment today.

7. 'Bolo tara ra ra' by Daler Mehndi. Screw all the travel agency contrversies. If you don't think Mehndi is a vocal genius, please listen again to the title track of 'Rang de basanti' right NOW. He started with the hyper-linked video. Before he settled on the banded turban and sherwani, he experimented with bandanas, gold-chains and v-necked shirts!

8. 'Nari narein' by Hisham Abbas. OK, we have the cute Cadbury-ad girl (now TV star, I think). We have the Taj Mahal. And Arabic guy. Why did 'desert rose' work and not this, I wonder :)

9. 'It's my life' by Dr Alban. You didn't - sometime in your childhood - dance to this and think it was the coolest thing to do? Liar, liar - pants on fire.

10. 'Oova oova' by Anaida. Literally translated 'My heart says oova oova, my body tumbles oova oova...' U-hh... WHAT?! This woman had multiple successful albums.

11. 'Deewane to deewane hain' by Shweta Shetty. Ok, I've been seeking an answer to this for more than a decade now. Abbe bhainge bhi ho, koi bhi is saali ke deewane kaise ho sakte hain?

12. 'Nigodi kaisi jawani hai' by Ila Arun. Funny today, but absolutely scandalous when it released.

13. 'Tu' by Sanjay Maroo. No one even noticed this, even when there were less than a dozen cable TV channels. But I have to confess - I loved it. The guy sang, composed music and even played the drums himself. The video's fairly slick for the times. Talent, I say. Unlucky chap.

14. 'Dreamcatcher' by Mehnaz. Mehnaz was one of the few real talents, lost in the age of 'Indipop' amidst the crowd of no-gooders like Tania - whose only claim to fame was - she was bangin Kishen Kumar. Kishen Kumar, people? Younger brother of Gulshan Kumar, the T-Series emperor... don't try to remember a face, you never saw it. He was all eyebrows.

Finally, this is unrelated, but chakitout

Contributions welcome in the comments section :)

Stacion Matrimonia - 2008 Express

I'd posted this sometime last year, and told readers to 'watch this space'. It's time for an update!

Episode 1: Don Captured

I was wrong about this one. Don ko pakadna sach-much namunkin hai. He somehow managed to escape everytime his capture looked 'fully arranged'. An effort is still on, and he's relented to a large extent (he's even written poems. really!) But having learnt our lesson, let's not make any assumptions till he's tied in a knot.

What happens next? Watch this space!

Episode 2: Cash-man in Catch 22

Married. Period. Nothing to watch in this, or any space.

Episode 3: Matrimony fairy turns LilShininLight into a puppy

Married. Period. Nothing to watch in this, or any space.

New Episode: Dandy-boy and Daddy

Dandy-boy struck a deal with Dandy-boy's daddy.

Dandy-boy could choose either the Who or the When, and daddy would decide the other.

Dandy-boy found his Who. 

Dandy-boy was also given a concession - Dandy-boy's daddy would not select a When, before Dandy-boy had turned at least two dozen.

Dandy-boy turns two dozen soon.

Dandy-boy's daddy wants to get Dandy-boy married the day after Dandy-boy turns two dozen.

Dandy-boy still doesn't wanna get married. Well, not yet anyway. Why? Well, no reason, really.

What happens next? Watch this space!

Episode 4 (old series): Yours truly is truly confused

Yours truly wasn't prepared for commitment. Confusion claimed the old case. Sad story, but over.

BUT - now Yours truly truly finds himself in a spot. Yours truly is ready, and yours truly has Ritegal in mind. But Ritegal is sorta where LilShininLight was, last season. And no fairies have appeared on the horizon to help Yours truly. And Yours truly does not believe in 'push' or 'rush' methods, having strongly resented them himself, till a few months back.

What happens next? No idea. Don't even bother watching this space.

Last season, we were all 'getting there'. Well, some reached Stacion Matrimonia 'on time'. The others, now, either dont wanna get there for a while, or feel they're already running late. As Rahul Dravid has often said, after scoring like 7 runs off 89 balls, the timing feels "off".

What happens next? Watch this space!

T-Pain

(Some of the few readers of this blog had yelled 'Show me the FUNNY!' after my last few posts. Well, here you go. Why T-pain? I'll explain a bit later)

(Explanation added later: Ok, some of you would be wondering 'Who the f is t-pain? What's happened to Smoochy?!' Well, T-Pain has been the butt of many jokes within a small circle of friends. His appearance and performances have entertained us on many nights, including a 2-hour laughing fit one night. So, this post is like our private joke. The 'small group' mentioned is splitting, and one's already gettin senti (see comment). So, this one's to all the sinfully good times that were... and will be again - briefly - in Singapore next month)

Faheem Najm (born September 30, 1985 in Tallahassee, Florida) better known by his stage name T-Pain, is an American hip hop, Grammy Winning, R&B Singer-songwriter and producer.

He is also the current holder of the most ring-tones ever sold, excluded collaborations.

Faheem graduated from James S. Rickards High School. (He is NOT ‘aathvin fail’, as believed by many)

Faheem caught the spotlight as a solo artist when his song "I'm Fucked Up", a reworked version of Akon's "Locked Up", gained popularity. Akon noticed the song and signed T-Pain to his newly formed Konvict Muzik record label. 

The conversation probably went like this:

T-Pain: ‘Janaab, aapka gana suna. Sahi hai’
Akon: ‘Haan bhai. Hum Konvict se hain. To Lockup mein hi rahenge…’
T-Pain: ‘Humara paas aisa koi stud-level logic to nahi hai.’
Akon: ‘Ama yaar, aap to bade fucked up nikle’
T-Pain (after some thought, Bollywood actor Rajkumar-style): ‘HUMM FUCKED UP hain. Ab hum is baare mein gana gayenge…’
Akon: ‘Badhia hai. Lemme sign u up, brother’

And the rest, as they say, is history. T-pain and Akon have collaborated on a million hits since, and hold the record for the highest number of collaborations in the US Top 100 at the same time.

Faheem’s debut album was titled Rappa Ternt Sanga, (in normal English, this would be "rapper turned singer". It is this inability to spell that has misled people to believe Faheem is ‘aathvin fail’. But he isn’t. He’s just special. Like Darsheel Safary in TZP.)

Faheem also sang "I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper)” (which shouldn’t have surprised anyone since he had already declared he was fucked up)

“I'm Sprung" and "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)" sold over 5 million ringtones. (Clearly, many people are fucked up)

This success inspired a remix, creatively titled "I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper), The Remix", Faheem collaborated with Twista, Pimp C, Paul Wall, R. Kelly, MJG and Too Short. Clearly, he’s a team player (or, as he might say, Tame Playa).

He has released his second album Epiphany on the 5th of June, 2007, that features "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')" and "Bartender" featuring Akon. This album has shipped platinum. (told you – the world is all fucked up)

More proof for the Tame Playa bit: Guest appearances on Epiphany included Yung Joc, Akon, Shawnna, Cham, Kardinal Offishall and Jay Lyriq.
(If opposites really attract, one woulda thunk his friends would be able to spell, right?)

The video for "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')" was released April 9, and the song went to #1. It contains cameos by Jay-Z, Huey, Shawnna, and E-40. (None of em can spell, but WTF does it matter? #1!)

He is releasing his third studio album, Thr33 Ringz. It is tentatively set to release on September 30, 2008, the same day as his birthday.

In this album, The song "Snap Yo Fingers" is a part 2 of the song "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')" (Thr33 words – What? How? Why?)

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T_pain

PS: i LOVE wikipedia

Nice post on Stupidity

One of the best I've come across in a WHILE. Read this

One for freakonomics!

REcently a friend of mine got married and was ebing pushed by his wife to buy a car. This is a calculation he tried to explain to her:

Monthly expense on car:
EMI - 8000
Insurance - 1000
Maint - 500
Driver (optional) -5000

Assuming u do 1000 km a month (thats a lot): this means Rs 14/km
Add Rs 4/km for fuel
So Rs 18/km

Cost of hiring the same car as taxi anywhere, anytime its needed : in the range of Rs 12-18/km

Why the hell should he buy a car??

Huh?

Always wanted a career in Consulting? To be a 'thought leader'?
Check this out!

The 4 B's

Kotler attained immortality in the world of Management by coming up with the '4 Ps of Marketing'

I dont think I'll get there, but here are Smoochy's 4 B's of bachelorhood:

Bike
Babe
Booze
Business

The first three are self-explanatory and all fulfil basic needs. For those who arent sure how business fits in, you've got to have a sense of purpose, think big and start early (read this)

And thats basically all there is to it!

10 reasons why...

a beer is better than a girl:

(in no particular order)

- A beer does not feel insecure. You can stay away and come back whenever you want

- A beer does not straighten or color its hair and ask you for an opinion.

- You dont need to bathe and shave before u hv a beer

- 60 bucks and a beer is urs. No strings attached. No emotional involvement. No time invested

- Fosters, Royal Challenge, Haywards, Kingfisher... you can have whichever u want on any day.

- If you see another guy with the same beer you have, u feel happy not jealous

- No matter how many years its been, it stays in the same shape

- A beer doesnt mind if you take its top off and put ur mouth to its mouth in public

- Your parents will not mind if your beer isnt Punjabi

- A beer doesnt ask you abt marriage. If it had feelings, it'd probably be happier the longer u stayed an uncommitted bachelor

Any1 got more? Post em in the comments section

Funny moment

I actually witnessed this first hand in the John at Forum mall yesterday.

Guy, relieving himself, "Ah Hi!... I was thinking of you only... In the bathroom {smiles mischievously}"

Suddenly his other phone rings...
"Hi Sheila!... Ya I'll be up in 2 min" (Im assuming he meant PVR - which was the only floor above us. Even if not true, it makes things more interesting ;) )

Back to line 1 "Oh Sheila, she works with me, just a friend... really.... No... No"

As the people at Mastercard would say:
"2 Cell phones : 11 thousand rupees,
Tickets at PVR : 300 rupees,
Caught two-timing with ur zip down : Priceless!"

Guy-who-wanted-to-see-funny-posts : Dude, I've rediscovered my sense of humor. Cheers!